If You’re the One Holding Everyone Together, Grief Therapy Can Be a Place to Let Go
Grief doesn’t always look like tears and heartbreak. Sometimes, it looks like making sure everyone else is okay—checking in on your siblings, planning the funeral, handling paperwork, or making sure your friends don’t feel uncomfortable around you. When you’re the person everyone relies on, grief can become something you push to the side, telling yourself you’ll deal with it later.
But grief doesn’t wait for a convenient time. It builds, sometimes quietly, sometimes in ways you don’t expect. It can show up as exhaustion, irritability, forgetfulness, or a vague sense of numbness. And when you spend all your energy supporting others, you might not realize how much you’re carrying until it feels like too much.
That’s where grief therapy comes in. It can be the space where you don’t have to be the strong one. A space where you can finally put down what you’ve been holding for everyone else and focus on what you need.
When Grief Puts You in the Role of the Caretaker
For many people, especially those who have always been the “strong one,” grief doesn’t come with permission to fall apart. Instead, it comes with responsibility.
Maybe you’re the oldest sibling, taking care of younger family members. Maybe you’re the friend who always listens but doesn’t feel comfortable talking about your own pain. Maybe you’ve taken on the practical aspects of loss—making arrangements, handling logistics—because no one else seems able to do it.
This role can be both a comfort and a burden. On the one hand, taking care of others gives you a sense of purpose. It keeps you busy and gives you something to focus on besides your own pain. But on the other hand, it can leave you feeling emotionally drained, isolated, and unsure of how to process your own grief.
And when you’ve been holding everything together for so long, letting go—even just a little bit—can feel impossible.
How Holding It All Together Affects Your Grief
Grief, when unprocessed, doesn’t just disappear. It finds ways to surface, often in unexpected ways. If you’ve been prioritizing everyone else’s needs, you might notice:
Emotional Numbness: You feel disconnected from your grief, as if it’s something happening at a distance.
Exhaustion: Even small tasks feel overwhelming because you’re carrying so much.
Irritability or Short Temper: Little things that never used to bother you suddenly do.
Difficulty Sleeping: Your mind doesn’t slow down, replaying conversations or to-do lists at night.
Guilt: You feel selfish for wanting time to yourself or for not being able to “move on” fast enough.
Anxiety or Overwhelm: The weight of responsibility feels heavier every day.
If any of these feel familiar, grief therapy can be a space to process what you’ve been holding onto—and to remind you that your grief matters, too.
What Grief Therapy Can Offer When You’re Always the Strong One
You might be used to being the person others lean on, but where do you go when you need support? Therapy offers a space where you don’t have to be the one holding everything together. Here’s how it can help:
1. A Space Where You Don’t Have to Be Okay
When you’re the person everyone turns to, it can feel like there’s no room for your own grief. Therapy provides a space where you don’t have to filter your emotions, manage other people’s feelings, or pretend you’re fine. You can just be—whatever that looks like.
2. Learning to Process Instead of Suppress
When you’re busy taking care of others, your own grief can get pushed aside. A grief therapist can help you begin to process what you’ve been carrying—without guilt or pressure. You don’t have to have all the answers. You just have to show up.
3. Understanding That You Deserve Support Too
It can be hard to ask for help when you’re used to being the helper. Therapy reminds you that support isn’t just for other people—it’s for you, too. You don’t have to go through grief alone, even if you’ve always been the one offering comfort to others.
4. Letting Go of Guilt for Taking Time for Yourself
If you’re the one keeping everything running, stepping back might feel selfish. But it’s not. You can’t pour from an empty cup. Therapy can help you work through the guilt of taking care of yourself and recognize that your well-being matters just as much as everyone else’s.
5. Exploring Who You Are Beyond the Caretaker Role
For some, being the strong one isn’t just a role in grief—it’s part of their identity. Grief therapy can help you explore what it means to be you outside of that role, giving you space to rediscover your own needs, boundaries, and emotions.
Practical Steps for Letting Yourself Process While Still Supporting Others
Therapy is one way to start working through your grief, but there are also small steps you can take in your daily life to begin allowing yourself space to process:
1. Set Boundaries on How Much You Take On
It’s okay to say no. You don’t have to be the person who organizes everything, checks in on everyone, or always has the right words. If you need a break, take it.
2. Find One Person You Can Be Honest With
Even if you’re not ready for therapy, having one person—a friend, a support group, a mentor—who knows what you’re going through can make a difference.
3. Give Yourself Permission to Feel
You don’t have to stay strong all the time. Whether it’s writing in a journal, taking a walk, or just sitting with your emotions, find small ways to acknowledge what you’re feeling without pushing it away.
4. Let Others Help You, Too
If someone asks how you’re doing, try answering honestly. Letting people in doesn’t mean you’re weak—it means you’re human.
5. Remember That Processing Grief Is Not a Luxury—It’s a Necessity
It’s easy to tell yourself you’ll deal with your grief later. But grief doesn’t follow a schedule. Giving yourself space to process, even in small ways, is just as important as anything else on your to-do list.
You Don’t Have to Carry It All Alone
If you’ve been the one holding everything together, grief therapy can be the place where you finally get to put some of that weight down. It won’t erase your grief, and it won’t magically make everything easier—but it will give you a space to be honest about what you’re going through, without the pressure to be strong for anyone else.
Your grief matters. You matter. And you don’t have to go through this alone.
Start Where You Are with Grief Counseling in Sherman Oaks & Across Los Angeles
When grief makes it hard to concentrate, keep up with school, or feel connected to others, it can leave you questioning what’s wrong with you—but nothing is. You’re grieving, and that’s a deeply human response to loss. Grief therapy in Sherman Oaks & across Los Angeles offers a supportive space to untangle the overwhelm without expecting you to hold it all together. Whether you're mourning a relationship, a major life change, or someone you’ve lost, your pain is real—and it matters.
As an online grief therapist, I work with students who are trying to stay afloat while quietly carrying so much. Together, we’ll make room for what you’re feeling and find small, steady ways to care for yourself in the middle of it all. No timeline. No need to have the right words. Just space to begin.
Learn More About Me and My Services
It’s okay if school feels impossible right now—grief asks a lot of you, and you don’t have to carry it alone.
Other Therapy Services Offered by Kiana Naimi
While grief therapy in Sherman Oaks & across Los Angeles is a central part of my work, many of the students and young adults I meet with are also navigating what lives underneath their grief—things like burnout, identity shifts, old attachment wounds, or trauma that’s been stirred up by recent loss. I take a holistic, trauma-informed approach because healing isn’t linear, and you don’t need to be “doing better” to be worthy of support.
Beyond grief, I offer trauma therapy and therapy intensives that gently hold the full picture of what you’re carrying. Whether you’re moving through a breakup, school stress, or feeling unmoored after a major life change, our work can help you reconnect with yourself in ways that feel safe and steady. I draw from Narrative Therapy, Attachment-Based Grief, Trauma-Focused CBT, Somatic Embodiment & Regulation Strategies, and Internal Family Systems (IFS) to shape a space that’s rooted in your needs, not a rigid plan.
You don’t have to have the right words or a clear goal to begin. When you're ready, I'm here.